It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
