filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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