its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
