Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Someone came in the potted fern
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
