What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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