i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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