I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
