5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
