All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
