I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
