the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
