I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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