So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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