You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We smell like vodka and hangover
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize