its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
