Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
