And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
