i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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