Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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