its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
