Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
