wanna go halves on a baby?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
