That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
