Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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