Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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