when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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