I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
