yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
