Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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