guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
