Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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