"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
