I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
