I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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