I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
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