Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have fence marks all over my body
They have beer where we have blood.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
