that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
