I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
