yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
