There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
