You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize