im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Two words: nipple clamps
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