so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
