we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
