That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
