I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
