I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?