It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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