Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
