Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
