did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.