it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
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It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night