I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.