Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.