i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
