I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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