Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
