Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
its liver damage thursday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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