my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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