i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
