The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
