we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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