I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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