nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
