so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
