Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
