Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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