Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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