I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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