FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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