She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
